Keep Your Marriage Together : 8 Tips To Guard Against Divorce

When Things Are Not Working Out Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment, where two agree to live together under mutual consent. Apparently, that's not the case in today's marriages. In fact, marriage has completely lost its meaning. Spouses don't seem to trust each other anymore, there's hate, discontent, and families are generally not happy. And when that continues to remain the norm, such couples are headed for the same fate--divorce.

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Keep Your Marriage Together : 8 Tips To Guard Against Divorce
Image Credit: Andrew Morrell
You realize that after spending several years in marriage, the flame of the romance seems to die. But you can only find a solution to this problem the moment you ask yourself why this is happening. Your love for your spouse doesn't go away because you see them each morning when you wake up, rather, it's because both of you start taking each other for granted over time. Priorities do change for both of you. However, when it comes to saving your marriage before a divorce can happen, there's no way out, you have to do it for the sake of your family.

Here are 8 tips to guard your marriage before it can fall apart:

1. Show love and appreciation
It's very difficult to do this especially after months of fighting, but you have to swallow your pride. Remember that it takes the courage of one person to save that marriage. You have to put your right foot down and change the course of things. So whenever you have a chance, show that you care and always create time to listen to them.

2. If you keep it short, you'll avoid further arguments
Harriet Lerner, in her new book ''Marriage rules'' writes about the importance of keeping questions and statements short when talking to a spouse that is not in the mood to talk. If you must bring up an issue at this time, keep it as short as possible. Lengthy statements lead to arguments that you could have easily avoided. For instance, if your husband were to take the kids out, and they didn't do that, just make a brief statement, like a reminder rather than a blame. Don't add those extra baggage related to your statement. Avoid saying you don't trust their promises anymore, or that you can't trust what they say they'll do. Just keep your statement short, and straight to the point.

3. Don't go for days without talking to each other
Sometimes couples argue over small things. But this doesn't mean that you stop talking to each other for days. You're giving anger the chance to ruin your marriage. Realize that when you keep to yourself, your mind will start thinking about all the negative aspects of your marriage, instead of focusing on the positives. This is a quality ingredient to build more anger over your spouse, so keep talking.

4. Men love attention
It's true that men will always seek attention from their spouses. The little things you did to him during your old days of dating used to make him fall in love with you every minute. But all over sudden, you changed your tactics of seducing him, so that you don't give him attention anymore. In fact, this is one way of showing appreciation. Learning how to play with the psychology of a tough husband or wife is not a complicated process.

5. Invent an imaginary guest
Harriet Lerner talks about the power of inventing an imaginary guest who will constantly be present in your home (on Oprah's show/relationships). We shout when we are angry. But what encourages us to do so is the fact that there's nobody in the house to make us feel ashamed of that behavior. Imagine you had a very important guest sleeping in your guest room, would you shout at your husband? Certainly not. Even if you tried, an inner voice would constantly remind you to keep your voice low. Now, you should imagine this guest in your house 24/7 and your spouse will notice that these days you never shout at them.

6. Burn those grudges
Separate bad memories from your marriage. Don't hang on to what your husband did 3 years ago. You don't want to sabotage your marriage. If possible, write them down and make a resolution that you will never think about them again, just the same way you do with your new year resolution on paper. These grudges shall have lost their place and usefulness in your relationship. Going to the divorce attorney is not a solution here.

7. Define and manage problems

Marriage is not about marrying the right person. In fact, you can never marry the right person, so stop going crazy when they happen to do things that don't please you. Alice Bowman, author of ''Happily Ever After emphasizes on the power of defining your problems in marriage. Bowman suggest that you take some time, imagine how a perfect day would look like in your relationship. Then you must create a plan that clearly defines how you're going to get from point A to point B. Your current state is point A, your future projection, or that perfect day should be your point B. Break those issues into smaller chunks, so that you can swallow them one at a time. Write those issues down if you have to, so long as you're actively working on them. Before you know it, you'll only have a few bite-size chunks of problems ahead of you.

8. Draw a financial plan together
It's interesting how couples argue about money. It's one of the things that break marriages if not planned for well. Jenny Anderson accuses Us of being guilty of what economists call ''passive decision making''. Anderson is the coauthor of Spousonomics, which talks about using the power of economics to manipulate love and what happens in marriage. She says that couples need to draw an active financial plan on how they are going to manage their money, how they are going to combine or separate it, plus whether or not they are going to open a joint account. But whatever the resolution, both individuals need to actively participate in the plan just to keep the system humming.

Marriage is an institution that's difficult to keep together. No wonder others get married today and divorce the next day. No wonder others opt to stay single forever and miss out on the joys that come with marriage. But it doesn't have to be all hell on earth, we are still human, and mistakes are bound to happen, in fact lots of them. But that doesn't mean that our partners are unfit to live with. Keep your marriage together with the 8 tips above to guard it against divorce.

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Jadens Anders
About the Author:

Jadens Anders is an online manager for Right Lawyers - who are experienced divorce attorney.He likes to blog on various family law issues and solutions.

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