The Top 4 Reasons You Need a Forklift

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The Holidays are coming and that means you need to decorate. Before the annual panic starts to set in, why not give yourself a little bit of extra help around the house this Holiday season by getting the handyman’s secret weapon. No, not duct tape. I’m talking about the king of heavy lifters: the forklift.
What’s that? You’re not convinced that you need to shell out the extra cash for one of these bad boys? Don’t fret; I’ve put together a helpful list to show you just how… helpful a forklift can be around the house.

4. Getting Your Ornaments Out of Cold Storage

Storage; no one likes it, but everyone uses it, except for the old Peterson couple living down the street. They decorated their house for every holiday on the same day back in 1974 and have never taken down a single decoration. For those of us who have a secret government warehouse (that may or may not be hiding the Arc of the Covenant) full of boxes to sift through though, a forklift is the exact thing we need to get to the exact crate we need.

 4 Reasons You Need a Forklift

3. Those Hard to Reach Decorating Spots

Look, no one likes straining their back putting on ornaments. You have to decorate the tree, the living room, the bed room, the bathroom, the entire outside of the house. If your little tykes won’t be satisfied without a landing strip of lights on the roof for Santa, then save yourself some potential back pain and get yourself to the roof with a hydraulic-powered lift.  Let the forklift do all the heavy lifting for you.
While you’re at it, you can toss down last year’s football. You know, the present that little Jake begged for all month long and lost minutes after opening it.

2. A Great Place to Hang the Star over Baby Jesus in the Nativity Scene

Oh the reason for the season. It just wouldn’t be Christmas without your friendly neighborhood decorating rivalry. Last year the Jones cut down your tree to prevent you from hanging a star over the live nativity you hired out to sing carols all night long. Get them back this year by driving your forklift through their crummy plastic set. Who cares if it’s been in their family for generations? All is fare in decorating. After you smash their set, celebrate by lifting a star high in the air over baby Jesus with the power of your rented forklift.

1. Getting Ride of Guests who have Long Overstayed their Welcome

The only thing that’s worse than the stress that the Holidays can bring is the relatives the Holidays can bring. You all know who I’m talking about. The pesky relatives that invite themselves over for the weekend and end up staying until next June; like my brother, Steve.
They come in, they eat your food, sleep on your couch, teach your kids repulsive habits and leave their grease stained clothes all over your house. You’re not quite sure how they get that greasy, considering how long Steve takes to shower each morning; it’s like a modern day repulsive Christmas miracle.
Anyways, the best way to get rid of these pests is to wait until they fall asleep in your chair, again, and back the forklift in behind them. Don’t worry about waking them up, if your relative is anything like my brother Steve, then his snoring will drown out any noise the forklift will make. Lift that chair up, drive it outside and drop it on the Jones’ rose bed destroying their chances at stealing another blue ribbon at the neighborhood garden parade, solving two problems at once.

So what are You Waiting For?

There you have it, not only is a forklift useful for decorating, it’s useful for removing unwanted guests as well. It’s the best tool to have on hand for the Holidays. So do yourself a favor and be the first on your block to rent one.
By Andrew Whittaker

Image is licensed under CC Attribution
Andrew
About the Author:

Andrew graduated from Utah Valley University with a degree in Creative Writing. He moonlights writing blog posts for companies and individuals selling services like renting out forklifts in Salt Lake City. In his non-blog writing hours, he writes fantasy novels.

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